I love love love Only the Good Die Young. Because, well, I would totally rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints. Which implies I’m some sort of bad-ass rebel. When, I am aggressively nice. Wait…no, that’s not true either. Its more than I am well-behaved. Nice implies a level of friendliness and goodwill towards men that my heart almost never feels. But, as usual, especially when it is 3am, I digress. Anyway, when you think about it, Only the Good Die Young is kind of a fucked up song. Not because it says the sinners are much more fun- we all know they are. Give me Tony Stark over Captain America any day. Well…preferably give me both, the guy who plays Captain America is really hot. But Thor isn’t invited. And…Captain American is saved on netflix, but I still haven’t watched it! And I really want to. Anyway…sinners throw better parties, we all know that, that’s not the fucked up part.
It’s not even the anti-Catholic stuff, the stained glass curtain you’re hiding behind, the Catholic girls start much too late, etc. Which, I’m pretty sure isn’t even actually true…but that would lead me down a whole path towards a certain local Catholic school who had to create maternity uniforms. And that isn’t what this is about.
Here’s why its fucked up. Because its a terrible pick-up line. So, what, if I don’t sleep with you- I’ll die? That’s kinda rapey…isn’t it Billy Joel? Besides, the idea that sooner or later you are going to lose your virginity- it might as well be to me?? Not exactly the most inspired pick-up line. Barney from How I Met Your Mother would not be impressed- step up your game! Of course, the protagonist in the song is probably a teenager (at least I kinda hope so, because I’m pretty sure Virginia is), and Barney was a virgin into his 20’s…so he’s probably still doing better than him actually.
Anyway, regardless, telling me sex is gonna happen, might as well be with you? And if I don’t do it I’ll die young? Not exactly a turn-on! Now, maybe I’ll give Billy a benefit of the doubt- maybe he’s already tried the more conventional way. Maybe he’s actually given her the reasons why he wants to sleep with HER specifically. Maybe he’s given some sort of reason for why he specifically is worth it, more than it might as well be me. Maybe he’s trying to argue sinners are better in bed?? I’m not touching that one, this is a family show. Or not…if a child is sitting at home, reading my blog, the child needs to put on a video game or go out and play. The kid needs to get a life, is what I’m saying.
Anyway Billy, you are awesome and all, and as i write this Only the Good die Young is forever stuck in my head. And in a good way, not like that Goddamn Call Me Maybe song. But, I’m pretty sure the Piano Man guy would have better luck. For one thing, that bar is depressing as fuck and he’s probably the best prospect, and for another- I’ve been drinking. A drink they call loneliness no less? That’s just depressing, the guy with the dark back story singing the soulful tune? Yeah, that guy is probably doing better than the cocky punk…even though…sinners really are MUCH more fun.