Sex Rules for my non-existant children (most of which I have violated)

1. Ideally, you should lose your virginity to someone you love/like/tolerate. However, if the virginity thing goes on for so long it’s hindering your ability to meet such a person, rules are relaxed
2. I don’t give a shit if you are gay, and I will harm anyone who does
3. You shouldn’t have sex with anyone you wouldn’t be willing to be seen with during the day
4. Wrap it the fuck up! Condoms aren’t fun, but neither is syphilis!
5. Abortion does not count as using birth control, it’s a last resort. If I hear you say “oh well, I don’t have to worry about if I get pregnant because I can just get an abortion” you will seriously be locked in your room for six months. And I’m a light sleeper, and will be too poor for a big house, so good luck sneaking anyone in or yourself out
6. Treat the people you are with with respect, even one night stands, don’t lie to them, don’t treat them like ratchet hos, because you should be avoiding ratchet ho’s anyway
7. Never tell someone you love them if you don’t mean it
8. That said, people might tell you they love you and not mean it
9. Sex is for love, or at least lust, not for anger or spite
10. Get routine std tests/pap smears, etc
11. Try to avoid drunken sex, because that’s the quickest way to violate #3, and #4. Plus, if you are a guy, you don’t want a girl you think consented coming after you because she was too drunk to really consent
12. I’m not one of those creepy parents who wants to know sexual details, but if you get in trouble, I’ll help you out, and I’m here if you need to talk
13. Girls- if you aren’t on hormonal birth control, keep a stock of morning after pills in case shit fails
14. Seriously, no nude photos or sexting, that shit never ends well, and it’s fucking stupid. For further clarification, Google Anthony weiner


About boredgirl260

27 year old trying to figure things out as she goes.
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2 Responses to Sex Rules for my non-existant children (most of which I have violated)

  1. irishkatie says:

    This was just a feckin awesome blog. I was about say …I agree with # (pick a number) …then read the next one …and the next…and the next. And decided ..I agree with them all!

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