I hate this election. And the last one. And the one before. Don’t get me wrong, they are kinda fun to watch. Until you realize we are destroying everyone’s faith in humanity and democracy, and spending 1 BILLION dollars, to depress the other sides turnout and change the minds of 2% of the population. Isn’t there a better way we could do this?
I think I first realized how much the process sucked when I was 9. In 4th grade my crappy little suburban Catholic school hold a mock election for president. This was 92, Bush v Clinton v Perot. I knew nothing of issues, other than a vague memory of people saying peace in the middle east to each other a year or two before. All my brain knew, is that every time I turned on the TV I saw bad shit about Clinton and bad shit about Bush. Which in hindsight makes me wonder- were they advertising a lot on children’s programming? Was I watching weirdly adult stuff? Wait, there was a lot of wonder years, full house, and the TGIF lineup back then. Must’ve been on those. Anyway, my solution was to just vote for Perot! There were no negative ads about him! I didn’t know what he stood for, and in fact, I still don’t. There were charts, big ears, a spot-on imitation by Dana Carvey, and he won a larger % of the vote than anyone really remembers. It makes you wonder if conservatives hated on him the way liberals hated on Nader for his 3% of the vote back in 2000. Point is, even as a 9 year old who thought full house was watchable, I was heavily turned off by negative ads.
And it’s just all such fucking bullshit, and no one is themselves, a common political problem, best encapsulated by Mitt Romney, possibly the most un-genuine person to walk the planet. Seriously, is there anything that man hasn’t switched positions on? And Paul Ryan SEEMS genuine, until you find out he voted for every bit of unfunded bullshit during the bush administration, and begged for stimulus funds for his district while saying they won’t work. Or saying that ayn rand inspired his entire political career- until he got called on it. Now, now he realizes her atheism is inconsistent with his Catholicism, but he didn’t realize that before. Um, I read atlas shrugged, and it was obviously written by a godless bitch.
Not that democrats are any better. Warrant less wiretaps! How dare you! Well, until a democrat is doing them…then you can cut the fucking silence with a knife. Wait, how dare you engage in personal attacks! We’d never do that shit! And the hyperbole, we’d never compare our opponent to hitler! but we would accuse him of MURDERING a woman. Because that’s reasonable.
Seriously, fuck all these people. And I think about all the fucking money these bullshit elections cost, and I start to long for dictatorship. And…then I don’t. Because gold toilets are also really wasteful. And getting arrested for offensive music would suck. Yay freedom! But fuck this process. Isn’t there a cheaper way to do this? Couldn’t that $50 grand a plate go to fund food for hungry kids, or animal shelters, or paying off my student loans….okay maybe that one is less worthy than the other two, but still more worthy than that election bullshit.
Because, never mind all the wasted money, we all know that the only ones they are listening to are the ones who bought them. We are FUCKING pawns!
Okay, off my soapbox. Time to go find some bread and circuses to distract me from this shit.