What makes a person nice? What makes a person decent? Does sociability equal niceness? How do you know if you’re a good person? Is it simply the absence of doing anything aggressively bad?
How often…these are just fucking questions. And I’m not sure if I’m selfish or too self-sacrificing. I’m not sure if I’m a good friend or a bad one sometimes. I’m not sure about anything. I like to think I mean well, but what fucking difference does that make?
And I hurt the people who least deserve it. And I don’t even know what it means to “have a personality”. And sometimes I hold doors, but sometimes I let them swing in your face. And sometimes I only act like I’m listening.
And I want to believe I’m more than flaw. But sometimes that’s hard to believe. I’d like to believe I’m more good than bad, but maybe I’m fooling myself. Maybe I’m as worthless as some people think.
Because sometimes I lie. Without even realizing it. And sometimes I think I suck up the toxicity and pass it on. And I don’t mean to. But sometimes I’m selfish. And sometimes I’m selfless. And..I don’t even know how to finish that. And I don’t know how to fix that. Or me. I just know this shit ain’t working.