The other night, I got into a conversation with some people. And it led to a question that I’ve wondered about for some time, the type of question that makes me question whether or not there is anything good, or right, or just in the world. The question…
Why the fuck is Justin Bieber popular??
I’m at a fucking loss. He’s like 16, but he looks about 12, having tragically not hit puberty at all. He can’t sing, or dance, or act. Oh God how he can’t act. The whole conversation was triggered by the tragedy that is him guest starring on CSI again in February, as his tragic lack of acting ability nearly ruined an episode of the show last month. And..I don’t get it.
There have always been vapid teen idols..but they could at least SORT of sing, or dance. They were at least attractive, even if not my type. They had at least started down the path towards puberty. I mean, I get that teenagers are fucking stupid, but i weep for the future. Hell, even like New Kids On the Block, or Backstreet Boys…it wasn’t good music, but at least they didn’t have that God-awful haircut. At least I could comprehend the appeal, at least they could pull off cheesy synchronized dance moves. At least they looked their fucking age. I thought girls liked guys who looked older…not who looked like someone’s dorky younger brother who was doomed to die a virgin without cosmetic intervention.
i just don’t get it. Never mind why do these idiots like him, why the fuck is he famous, and on the cover of all these magazines, and trending on twitter until his trend got blocked. Bad enough. But…why did he even get a record deal? Who saw this little pimple on the butt of humanity sing and do his awkward “I have no rhythm but I’m going to dance next to Usher like I’m a homeboy even though I am the whitest person alive” dance, and decided- him, him I will offer a record deal to?? What sort of deal did he make with Satan?? It’s like I’m living in bizarro world.
Like, other acts I hate, I at least can follow the progression. Miley Cryus, talentless strumpet that she is, has a fan base because of her vapid Disney show, which she got because of her one-hit wonder (though infinitely more talented) father. Beyonce has a shrieky voice that irritates me, but she can carry a tune, her music is catchy (in that i want to shoot up a bank kinda way), she oozes sex, and she got her start in a girl group when they were quite popular. Even Rhianna, she’s irritating, but she is attractive enough, and though she has a squeaky voice, at least she’s not a [expletive deleted].
Where did he come from?? Okay, maybe I could do a Google search, but I refuse to sully my computer, and cause him to trend any higher. I’d sooner Google sketchy porn than sully my Firefox browser with that dribble. So, please, save me the trouble- someone explain to me- what the fuck is with Justin Bieber?!?!