On the pilot episode of How I Met Your Mother, Ted has a first date with Robin. At the end of what is one of those charming tv dates (complete with a stolen blue horn) Ted tells robin he loves her. Now, Robin is a bit of a commitment-phobe, but her reaction was generally universal- she wigged out. Because- well, that isn’t normal behavior.
My theory is you can’t really love someone after a day. Or even within a couple weeks. And, you shouldn’t say you love someone unless you really love them. Not lust for them, not infatuated with them, but love them. Even after a fight, even when their stubborn, or crazy. When they belch, or fart, or are just generally human.
It was suggested to me that the I love yous shouldn’t come till after the first fight. This struck me as a totally brilliant rule. To wait until the early relationship haze has worn a bit thinner. Though it was pointed out to me by a friend (who somehow made it a year and a half into a relationship without fighting), that this rule may also be impractical.
The truth is, its not about rules…its about substance. Its about…I don’t want anyone telling me I love them unless I know that its real. Not just right place, right time. Not to butter me up. But real. And, I won’t say it to someone unless I love them. And..maybe its just me, but I can’t fathom loving someone inside two weeks.
And it makes me think of that old Nat King Cole song- “When I give my heart, it’ll be completely, or I’ll never give my heart…”. Etc. Point being, you can’t completely love someone that quickly, it’s endorphins, it’s not real yet.
If someone said they loved me that quickly, I’d have one of the following reactions:
1. They are gaming me and they think I’m naive enough to fall for it
2. They are desperate, and just want to be in love, and I came along
at a conveniant time.
3. They are immature, and can’t tell the difference between love and
lust and infatuation. Which leads to…
4. They have a shallow concept of love.
Maybe I’m a harsh person, but, if someone doesn’t love me truly knowing me, than their I love you is worthless, and actually serves as a giant red flag. It’s not that I don’t believe in love, but I do believe that anything worth having is a little too precious to give away that quickly.