I’m not sure I even want to write about this. Because it just makes me sad, and nobody cares. And, I’m so drained from the sad I don’t even have the energy. For anything. And the sounds of people’s voices bother me, even people I like, because I just want the fucking quiet. Even though quiet gives me time to think, and be sad. And yeah, I know there are those who would say it’s just a fucking cat, but, well, fuck you. He’s my fucking cat…or he was. Since I was 15. And he was a good cat. Grumpy sure, but smart, and thoughtful, he had character. And, he was upset at the end, and nobody helped him. And his brother doesn’t understand where he is. And..he was too thin, with those sad eyes that were still there, trapped in a future he doesn’t want. Like my grandmother was. In that hospital bed. Begging to go home and we didn’t help her. Brain still working, but too sick to talk. And I can’t comprehend what it’s like to know you are about to die. It had to be the worst thing ever. And, I should have played rope with him more often. And he was the cutest little kitten, a little ball of fur. And fuck anyone who doesn’t get that. Like the ex-whatever, when said cat was sick last year (I should’ve dumped his ass right then), who couldn’t comprehend why I couldn’t just get another fucking cat. Emotionless cyborg loser. Seriously. And his brother looks at me with sad sad eyes. And this sat for hours. And now I’m even more tired than before. Of everything really. But, I try to be productive, sometimes. Somehow, someway. Some some some. I’m repeating myself, that’s not a good sign. I miss Toby, so i distract myself with 80’s Bruce Willis. Yeah..that worked…


About boredgirl260

27 year old trying to figure things out as she goes.
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2 Responses to Toby

  1. Violet Paws says:

    I’m sorry for your loss of your kitty. I totally understand.

    I lost my first cat 5 years ago. Couldn’t get out of bed for a week. Violet was depressed, wouldn’t eat much, looking for her Sweet Pea everywhere. She was only one year old when Sweet Pea died. He (Sweet Pea) was her surrogate parent and her best buddy.

    I still think about him almost every day. I still miss him.

    Fuck everyone who thinks they are “just cats.”

    • boredgirl260 says:

      Aww, that’s sad about your cat :(. Buttons and Toby were brothers from the same litter, they spent everyday together from the time they were kittens.

      Luckily none of my friends have said the “just cats” line, but there are people I know who would, so I just didn’t tell them. It sucks when people act that way.

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