Dear Internet Explorer,
I hate you and wish you’d die. Seriously. If you were a sentient being, I’d be freely and openly making a terroristic threat. I’d destroy you with a song on my lips and a smile in my heart.
But alas, you are not alive, you are a zombie from the 90’s back when you were actually relevant. And unlike in a movie, I can’t sever your spinal cord to kill you- YOU WILL NOT DIE.
Your monumental level of suck is why I started using alternate browsers years ago. But sadly, at work, I am still tied to you. And, I had mostly made peace with your overwhelming mediocrity.
But then you created Bing. Which is fine. I won’t use it, but I changed my defaults, cursed you for putting the Yankees on your homepage after the world series last year, and moved on.
But then something curious started to happen. I’d open up a search in Google, and a window would pop up “syntax error”. And then another one ” ‘store_list’ is null or not an object”. That one pops up ten times before I can actually view the damn page. And god forbid I want to search for something else, or move onto page 2. It’s like an anti-
Google conspiracy, but news flash- I WILL NEVER USE FUCKING BING.
This anti-Google conspiracy reached new lows today. I was trying to print out directions on Google maps. But everytime I hit the print button, I got a blurb saying that there was a script error they needed to protect me from.
50 million viruses out there, that you do nothing about, that I need to buy anti-virus to handle or I’m SOL, but you feel the need to protect me from fucking Google maps?!?!?? Well FUCK YOU!! I don’t need to be “protected from Google”, and the bugs don’t make me want to use fucking Bing. No one wants to use Bing. Fuck Bing.
So, in closing Internet explorer, I hate your fucking guts. I’d uninstall you, but work rules do not allow. So instead I sit here, teeming with hatred, and wish for the day when you will just be a memory that lives in my nightmares,
A Disgruntled Unwilling User
P.S. My copy of Office is genuine for fuck’s sake, and Windows Defender offends God.