So, I have this friend. He’s a really sweet guy,and he is wholly incapable of having casual sex. He just gets too attached. Joking with him, in the typical off-color way I do, I called him a girl. His response was that in his experience, men are way more likely to get attached after sex than women are. I called bullshit, and we amicably argued for awhile until he signed off.
But, now I’m curious. Am I the one who’s using an outdated ideal here?? I read a book once, and have heard this other places, all about how woman release a bonding chemical when they have sex, how it’s the same chemical that gets released when woman breastfeed their babies. How this causes women to bond more during sex than men do.
But my friend insists that men have some protective instinct that kicks in, and causes them to become quickly attached. That he knows way more women that sleep around then men. That the men he knows don’t even want to have sex outside of a relationship. And, he lives in another state, so maybe it’s cultural or something, but is he living in bizzaro world or something??
I’m not saying men don’t fall in love just as hard as women do. That all men are whores, and all women paradigms of virtue. As a society we’re all way more promiscuous than we used to be. But still. Men, on average, have more sexual partners than women do (a fact my friend disputed). He seemed to paint this picture of all these men, being used and abused by all these women. And..I dunno, but the guys I know, even if they aren’t ho’s, even if they tend towards relationships..they aren’t in a hurry to turn down sex with a pretty girl assuming everyone’s single. There are exceptions, I know this. And..the double standard isn’t as true as it used to be. And..maybe my sample size is skewed, not his.
So, I need opinions here. It is true that all men just want to be a knight in shining armor?? Just want to find a woman to take care of?? That women are the ones sleeping around way more than men?? That men don’t fuck the whores and marry the virgins?? Ok, that last one really isn’t true anymore, but still. Even now, in our sexual age, women are judged more for having sex than men are. Hell, there are whole books, whole sections of the bookstore, devoted to how exactly women need to play it to get their man. I don’t think men read books like these. Saying how often to return calls, how many dates to wait before having sex, when to accept a date, how to get ANY man to marry you. Men have rules too, men think about stuff like this too–but they don’t buy fucking books about it. I think that means something, but I’m desperately searching for a second opinion.