As I’m sure I’ve mentioned, I was an odd kid. I didn’t really have
friends, and I didn’t connect well with others.
Well, I’m an adult now, and now I do have friends, good ones. But I
still think my signal may be off. Because when I look back on my
dating history, I notice a disturbing trend beyond the assortment of
comical stories and lovable losers. It’s a set of words, a common
theme, that always seemed to occur. It’s, “you’re a great girl, and
you’ll make someone really happy- just not me”. It’s, “there just
isn’t that spark anymore, I can’t see myself marrying you” it’s “I
just didn’t feel that connection like with <fill in the blank girl>”.
It’s like I’m missing something, like I’m broken. Like I’m missing
some key component that is hard to put a finger on, but leaves me as
great but not for me. As somehow unlovable, as somehow not the girl
you fall for. And the worst part is, that because it isn’t something
specific, because I’m “great”, I can’t even try to fix it.
It’s like I’m doomed here, to be the girl you like, but don’t love,
fuck but don’t date, date but don’t marry, or even get serious about,
or even treat as well as subsequent girlfriends. And I don’t know
what’s missing, but something clearly is. Because most people my age
have had relationships that lasted longer than 10 months. Most people
my age have had more than one serious relationship. Most people my age
aren’t broken, like I am, and for the life of me I wish I knew how to