For some strange reason as I walked home from work today, an old Alanis Morrisette song popped in my head. The angry one. And, the line that popped in there was “And everytime you speak her name does she know how you told me you’d hold me until you died…until you died…but you’re STILL ALIVE.” And at first I thought- God what a shrill bitch- no wonder he dumped her.
But then I got to thinking, and to a certain extent- I’ve been there. The bullshit line about loving someone until you die, and then it ends, and it’s like- well, you’re still alive, and I feel ripped off. Which is why you should never really say that to someone, it’s setting up for failure. How could you possibly know how you’ll feel forty years from now?? Things change, people change, who needs that kind of pressure??
I don’t need someone to tell me they’ll love me until they die, because it’d be a lie. It’d have to be, even if they don’t realize it at the time. I need them to tell me they’ll love me until tomorrow. They’ll love me when I’m crazy, when I’m crying, after they meet my mother. That they’ll love me even though I can’t cook, even after they see me eat a whole tub of ice cream in one sitting. That they’ll love me even when I’m insecure. Even when I’m not all I could be. Even when I misquote a movie. That they’ll love the me now, even if they aren’t sure they’ll love the me I become decades from now.
And, likewise, I’m not selfish, I’d love them when they….fill in the blank. This is a hypothetical man, I don’t have his flaws listed yet.
Point is, I don’t want some bullshit hyperbole that will get used against you in a future song by an angry Canadian. I don’t need promises that you’ll be with me forever, just that you’ll love me, for the flawed, fucked human being I am, today.