Every night this long weekend I’ve gone to bed at 4. Even when I was tired, even when I was dosing. I still stayed up. I checked my email, I read funny stuff on the internet, I played The Sims, I chatted with friends. Whatever, but I didn’t go to bed. And, when you go to bed at 4, it’s damn near impossible to actually sleep late enough to get enough sleep, let alone enough sleep to make up for my chronically not sleeping enough during the week. Long weekends are supposed to be about rest, but instead of resting, I just stay awake. Because any email I got would really be that important. Because I really need to wait for my Sim to have a baby. I don’t know. Because sleeping doesn’t always seem like the best way to spend my time. I don’t know. But of course, when I’m tired all the next day, I regret my insomnia. But will that change my behavior? I don’t know.
I’ve been eating a lot lately too, maybe connected to the lack of sleep. Or maybe I just love cookies. But, I’ve been a pig lately. And, I completely lashed out in a passive aggressive and unfair way on a friend of mine yesterday. And, I’m not really as together as I’d like to be, though I have overall been doing better. And, I’ve had an off again, on again cold for three weeks now, and everytime I think it’s getting better, it gets worse instead. There’s a metaphor there, but then I’d descend back into the whining- and we certainly wouldn’t want that.