I feel fatalistic. And anhedonic. Just, I don’t feel positive about my future outcomes. And, I can’t shake it. Or even properly categorize it without getting way too whiny. And it upsets me. I’m just…going nowhere. And it makes me too vulnerable to write this. But, I want to write something, and this is what consumes my mind. That, and paranoia about getting mugged again. I was standing on the subway platform this evening after work, and I became convinced that someone was going to run up behind me and steal my bag.
And, I know I seem like a whiny drama queen. Like I just need to get the fuck over things, and stop bitching. Other people have way bigger problems than me. I just, feel like I’m going nowhere..worse, going backwards. And, I’m not even saying this artfully. It’s taken my hours to even write this much. So, maybe I should just give up.