One day you’re alive and fine. And then you fall and hit your head during a ski lesson. And you feel fine at first. Within the week you’ll be dead. WTF??
And there’s a terrible personal tragedy here for Natasha Richardson and her family, obviously. But it’s fucking with my head beyond that. Do you have any idea how often I hit my head. I am a klutzy menace, I’m walking into things, and hitting my head on my desk, and slipping and falling. And one of those times could’ve been the time that I feel woozy an hour later, and then I’m dead. And there’s nothing anyone can do. And I doubt when she had that fall, she thought she’d go into a coma and never see her kids again. And it makes you realize how random and how short life is. And it makes me realize that life is way too short to live it the way I do.
It makes me realize that I’m just wasting time here. Too afraid to do anything, to go anywhere. To make someone angry, that something bad will happen, that people won’t like me. Just a constant unceasing terror, like quicksand keeping me cemented in one place. Too afraid of being rejected, of saying the wrong thing, of failing. Too afraid of being hurt, but I always get hurt anyway.
And this whole speech would lead you to believe that ive seen the error of my ways. That I don’t want to hit my head and have this be all I see. But, honestly, who am I kidding? I won’t change, I never fucking do. I’m too scared, too afraid. And one day ill hit my head or something, and I’ll realize I’ve wasted my life. I know this, I can see that is how this story ends. But still I’ll change nothing.