We all have to deal with our father’s name

A couple weeks ago maybe, some aunt of mine, some sister of my father’s, whose name was only vaguely familiar, tweeking some long dead memory of childhood past, friended me on facebook. After much thought I accepted, I didn’t want to be rude, then I pretty much forgot about it. Then today she writes on my wall, asking if me and my sister want to come to some family event with all my cousins this summer. I politely reply no, but then it hits me, I shouldn’t have friended this woman. I don’t want to know those people, my only connection being DNA and pain. I start thinking- what if she talks to him?tells him things I post on facebook he has no right knowing. Nothing deep here, but he doesn’t have a right to know that I love Oreos. He doesn’t have a right to know anything. He gave up that right a long ass time ago. He called awhile back. They still take back child support out of his check, a debt that will never be paid. He had the nerve to ask my mom to tell the authorities to back off, that he’s good for it. And someone else on this aunts wall asked her if I was keiths daughter. What a quaint way of putting it. I haven’t been keiths daughter for a very long time. I’ve seen video of myself when I was little, and I looked happy and carefree, and I can’t remember this. All I can remember is the little basketcase I was afterward, always afraid everyone was going to leave me. There was once a happy me somewhere, and he fucking took it. And these people think I share something with them, and these people dredge this shit up, because what? I’m a Mitchell. That last name is not who I am. They are no part of who I am. And now I’m stuck sitting at work, hiding the upset and thinking about this shit, when I really don’t want to. This is too personal for here, I guess I just desperately want some feedback, some…. I just want someone to hear where I’m coming from, I guess. And I want to enjoy the sunshine, and not feel this way.

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About boredgirl260

27 year old trying to figure things out as she goes.
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